How the Hartz Stole Your Pet’s Life

the-hartzMost civilized people, they love pets quite a lot.
But the Hartz, who lived in New Jersey, did NOT!
Hartz hated pets! No matter what season!
Now, please don’t ask why. No one quite knows the reason.

It could be his head wasn’t screwed on just right.
It could be his sweatpants were cinched up too tight.
But I think that the most likely reason of all,
May have been that his heart was two sizes too small.

Whatever the reason, his heart or his sweats,
Hartz stood there angrily hating your pets,
Staring down from his office with a sour, Hartzy frown,
At the warm lighted windows below in their town.
For he knew that people were feeding their cats
Or tucking their dogs into warm, cozy mats.

“They take them on walks!” he snarled with a sneer,
“They buy them chew toys! How perfectly queer!”
Then he growled, and he said without any misgiving,
“I MUST find some way to stop all pets from living!”

Then he got an idea! An awful idea!

“All I need is some poison.” The Hartz looked around.
But, since poison is scarce, there was none to be found.
Did that stop the old Hartz? No! The Hartz simply said,
“If I can’t find some poison, I’ll make some instead!”

“I’ll sell this to people!” The Hartz laughed at his plot
As he whipped up a lethal brew in a pot.
And he chuckled, and clucked, “What a great Hartzy trick!”
“This will kill cats and dogs, but not harm fleas or ticks!”

Unlike the Grinch, who realizes the error of his ways and whose heart grows three sizes, the Hartz remains an evil, unrepentant, animal-killing monster. Hartz will continue to sell its toxic flea and tick products as long as there are people who haven’t heard the awful truth.

Please send this Grinch parody to everyone you know — and even people you don’t know — and warn them to steer clear of all Hartz products. Let’s make 2009 less profitable for Hartz — and safer for cats and dogs everywhere.

Also, pet owners everywhere owe enormous thanks to Josh for leading the crusade against Hartz. is starting its seventh year of collecting victims’ stories and warning the public!


Nigel Huckleby,